The Upgrade Pt. 5

Welcome to Awoochi, a world you’ve never seen before.

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Until now, you’ve been bound by the countless, unnecessary restraints of a physical world. The endless requirements that took a temporal toll on you every day of your life have vanished, leaving you more time in the day to do what you want, when you want.

Just because your body—or, as we like to call it here, your “soul”—no longer requires food to survive, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the piquant intricacies of a delicious meal. A million restaurants serving everything you can think of are just a translocation away and offer unique menus based on your established eating habits, interests, and trending items among your friends. Eat as much as you want; remember: your soul reflects who you are, not what you eat.

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The same rule applies to sleeping and bathing: just because you don’t have to doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy our five star bed and breakfasts (where every room comes complete with a private hot tub and balcony overlooking one of six locations to choose from), massive waterparks, and patented dream room.

What do you like to do? Don’t answer that; we already know. We’ve prepared for you an occupation based on your interests that you are sure to love every day (that you feel like going in to work, of course!), and took the courtesy to flash the necessary skills into your implicit memory banks. Orientation is Monday, but after that you will be free to work as little or as much as you want.

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Adam is your boss. I’ve added his number to your contacts list; he shares 16 interests with you, which are also listed in his contact record.

Awoochi is the world scholars have been dreaming of for millennia, but that only the world’s present leaders in cognitive engineering have could provided. Internationally renowned artificial intelligence specialist Andrew Brown led the development of our new world, and will be hosting a welcome party to all new residents this Sunday at Tidus Park. On behalf of the entire Royal family, I hope to see you there!

Now, before you go out and explore this whole new world, I want to give you a few warnings. You may notice some slight mobile dysfunction and acute immobility during your first few days here. This is entirely normal. You’ve traded control of your physical body for control of your soul and it can take up to 3 days after the operation for your body to adjust to the new world. If, after this time, you are still having difficulties in movement or cognition, please visit the nearest hospital for a gentle somatic reboot.

My name’s James and I will be here to answer any further questions you might have. There’s no need to call me; I live inside the collective minds of everyone here in our paradise. Don’t be alarmed if I just pop into your thoughts with an answer every once in a while. If you’re interested in the technology that lets me do so, you can get a taste of the action within a controlled environment at the local Science Center.

Above all, remember you’re not alone here. You’ve been placed within the vicinity of the majority of your friends, and they will be around to welcome you tomorrow evening. Past them, you have been matched with many others who share similar interests and hobbies, and will be introduced to each as you are gradually integrated into the community.

Welcome to our community. Welcome to our world.

Welcome to Awoochi.